From the desk of Melancholy Jack

Welcome to the Athenaeum.

These be the notes scrawled in the borders of my ledger…

Whilst compiling my notes over the course of many evening I was finally able to gather this little morsel.

Here be a tale.

This is the tale of the Motteley Crew, as told by the scribe that keeps track of their guild dues.
The tale takes place around the Time of Many Kings.
The calendar has been scrambled so as to confuse you mightily. In truth, this campaign was an exercise in world-building, on-the-fly. There are many inconsistencies, but a decent tale nonetheless.

Setting: Hackmaster
This comprises the campaign journal of my game group.

…and this is the tale…
(as found in the manuscripts)

Official Notice

Recently, an informant has come forward with claims that reveal questionable information about the HLC. This information hasn’t been released, but the integrity of the informant is without question, based on knowledge of her origins, from Fedor Silvershine.

Lady Gwynne Whisperdark, formerly of Thosis, Em P'too Fore, has recently decided to join us here in Midway, Dee T'Welve. Lady Gwynne is formerly an honors graduate of Thosis Emerian Center of Magical Studies, Thosis. Welcome, Lady Whisperdark, from the Adventurers Guild.

Melancholy Jack
Chief “Official Notice Poster” Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
Thosians have such interesting accents

Good Tidings

Kallomandra Argentspire has registered her sage expertise with the City of Midway just today. Welcome Learned One.

Stone workers are needed by the L.U. to prepare the arenas for the magical duels scheduled to occur during the Faire. Those able to assist can contact me, here at the Guild.

No word has come regarding the King’s health. I’ll post news as soon as it arrives.

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
Something sinister is going on in Castle Monte

Good Evening

Several things…


The day after tomorrow, the Grand Ball kicks off. Many notable personages have traveled to participate in this 1st annual get together. Some notables include the following:

1. Forswhin Honninscrave – Minister of Relations, Gethwinn Clan, Royal Order of Stormriders, Horst Peak, Aych Ah'Leavn.

2. Jimael Hoffa –Professional Violinist, Minister of Trade, Estwid, Dee Ther'Deen.

3. Amelia Earhart – Adventurer and Explorer, Hack Nsack, Bee Ther’Deen.

4. Than Khosis – ?, ?, ?, Em Tree’Vive


Several individuals have reported missing several items during the last night. These pieces include a player piano, garden fountain, 1 goat, and an apple tree. If found, report to the Adventurers Guild.


Let us welcome (?) several (thousand) new guests to Midway. Hesper Knucklebones - “Leader of the The Great, and Wonderful, Migration of Stouts, Hairfeet, and Tallfellows“ Hesper and his traveling Halflings arrived in Midway sometime around “Why are you waking me?” last night.


The town of Oakhurst has requested help from the Guild. It seems that many cattle, as well as a few persons, have died under strange circumstances during nights past. The victims seemed to be pierced by many needlelike claws. No one knows what type of predator would leave this type of marks, and no discernable trails were found. If any of our illustrious guild members are interested in pursuing this, submit your proposal to the Guild.

Melancholy Jack
Chief “…wake up, the Halflings are here!” Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
Get me some more coffee, and whisky…

The Halflings have left…

…a huge mess behind.

The Halflings are gone, the Grand Ball was an adrenaline rush, the King is dead, the Faire was fun, and still members of the Great Migration found their way into the L.U.

King Gerald Monte, IV has died. It was concluded that the late Victoria Vanderpool had been poisoning him for some months. Victoria, or The female canine in heat as she was known to most of the citizenry of Monte, used a Venus Elixer to weaken his resistance to suggestions, after which she started feeding him arsenic under pretense of healing. He died late evening yesterday. At the Grand Ball, she started a magical fight during the feast. After a brief toast, she retrieved something from the folds of her robe, which she threw at Lady Gwynne Whisperdark, paralyzing her, and Arch Battlemage Leviathan Snootybutt. Levi is Grevan, and most of the populace of Freemonte is well aware of the itchy trigger finger that he possesses. Two large disembodied hands appeared, pummeling The female canine in heat, after which a gate opened beneath her prone, unmoving body. Some dark, wispy form was seen to quickly follow her through this Gate. We are happy to report that while massive magical energies played briefly within scant inches of many visiting dignitaries, the only one to suffer any major wound during the brief fight was Forshwin Honninscrave, who was attacked from behind by one of the Lady’s(?) assassins. It is interesting to note that when a human attacks a polymorphed storm giant, the storm giant does not seem to lose any strength in an altered physical form…

Thanks also go out to Than Khosis, a visiting emissary from Em Tree’Vive, for his quick action in dispatching one of Vanderpool’s associates.

There are a huge number of items that have been reported stolen during the last two weeks. If you are one of the unlucky ones to have suffered this calamity, the Adventurers Guild is NOT the place to file such reports.

King Gerald Monte, IV, rest his noble soul, will be succeeded by his son, Prince Gerald Monte, V. Coronation ceremonies will be held during the second week of Kaldmont. Invitations have been sent out to the entire population of Freemonte. King Gerald, V has proven to be a Noble, and resourceful Prince. Our hopes and best wishes go out to His Majesty, as well as our deepest condolences for the loss of his father.

It is also unfortunate that certain free thinking tree-hugging druids do not understand that attempting to bribe a Crown Official is a crime in Midway. Deepest apologies go out to that unnamed druid. Drewfujis Drew, please understand that there is no hard feelings, but Bribery is a crime.

The Motteley Crew has accepted Oakhurst’s request for help in solving their problem with nightly marauders. I love these guys, they bring so much revenue to this fair city.

That is all for today.

Melancholy Jack
Chief “I can still handle four Fireballs at once” Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
The Ole Grey Scribe still is what he used to be!

krevish whishky,

in my glash.

take one sip,

the botle pass…

thanksh levi,

I parishiate the extra too, tuo, one-plus-one botels…


mekanloly jack
cheve scribe
venshurers guild, midway
midway between where?

Grown Cubs

Marlee Leafhoppersomethingorother reports that her two Displacer cubs have reached adolescence. The L.U.’s Terrorize-and-Release program has scored high marks with several of the professors of the college.

Melancholy Jack
Chief “I’m not really standing here, I’m over there” Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
Large, black, 6-legged kitties with long tentacles covered in bony ridges. Nice Kitties…

Death Notice

Sarel, Metamorpher of the Motteley Crew, was slain in battle Wednesday, Giamonios 21st, 13036 near Oakhurst, DeeT’Wolve.

A midnight ambush by a roving band of humanoids caught the group by surprise. Sarel was skewered by spears, pinning him to a wall by both arms and pierced by several others. He died of massive blood loss.

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
My condolences…

Notice of Public Auction

A public auction will be held at the Midway Auction House on Sunday, Simivisionios 1st, at 18:00 P.M.

Items of interest include:

  1. 1500 Gold Crowns worth of spell components.

  2. Magical bracers, which supposedly provide protection, but did not seem to help the previous wearer.

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
We’re slashing prices!

Adventurers Ho!

Dehgovarth Skrawn and the adventuring band Scar Two has returned from the area known as the Mistmarsh. Dehgovarth reports that a solitary tower ruin has been spotted in the area known as Pent. Although time and the elements did not allow them to make a exploration of this tower, little is known of Pent, aside from this land being desolate, and its location just west and north of the Mistmarsh.

Melancholy Jack
Chief “Add these to the records” Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
Nasty place, this Mistmarsh.

Adventuring Band Update: Motteley Crew

A report has come in from Penelope, Halfling Bard of the Motteley Crew, concerning recent happenings near Oakhurst.

Tyre “I was never there” Kinslayer has been the victim of an unfortunate incident that resulted in his left leg, below the knee, being petrified. Whilst the Crew made several attempts to correct this mishap, nothing seems to be able to alter the lingering effects of the magic. Rumors persist that Drewfujis Drew had something to do with it, albeit accidentally.

Drewfujis also suffered grievous wounds from a battle with an entombed high priest of a long forgotten dragon cult. Upon opening of the tomb, the creature grasped Drewfujis with lightning speed and proceeded to explain the correct method for tenderizing dinner, using inherent strength and a stone wall. Drewfujis companions had to intervene and explain to the creature, which closely resembled a common troll, a far better technique using a Fireball, Spike Stones, and bets on whether the dragon priest or Drewfujis would be the victor. Several party members lost coin on that one.

Until we receive more news;

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
Drewfujis seems to be quite a little troublemaker, hmm

Adventuring Band Update: Motteley Crew

The Crew has returned for Oakhurst with news.

An ancient dragon cult once occupied a citadel south and west of the small town of Oakhurst.

The citadel has been left in the hands of a pack of kobolds that currently occupy it. Levi has assured the authorities in Midway that the kobolds pose no threat to our populace.

Marlee Smellslikewetdawg, a local Druid allied with the Crew, reports that a dark twisted tree was grown deep in a cavern below the citadel which produced two kinds of fruit, a large red one on the Summer Solstice, and a small sickly one on the Winter Solstice. The seeds from both, when planted, gave birth to a small twiggy creature with a thirst for blood. Marlee also stated that the tree grew from a green stake that had been driven through a vampire’s heart in centuries past. Apparently the stake took root and grew into a large, squat oak tree.

The Merchants Guild has asked me to extend an invitation all of the adventuring companies. Those wishing to present loot and supplies found on any excursions will be considered for purchase by the Merchants Guild. Also, any weapons and armor may be presented to the Midway Guard for possible purchase. Those wishing to sell any items found must procure the necessary permits, and pay any taxes and levies on such transactions.

Levi “I hate walking” Reclusegrel has commissioned a stagecoach that he recently purchased to be altered more to his bizarre and disturbing Grevan tastes. Mr. Kiss-my-boot also recently purchased a large amount of Orihalicon* (100 ingots left by the Halflings from the Migration). The purpose of such purchase was not divulged, but Godter Shieldforge has taken up residence with twelve brothers and cousins in the warehouse owned by the Crew. The sounds of forging, roaring flame, and gruff cursing can be heard coming from this building in the merchants quarters.

Drewfujis Drew claims to have found a previously unknown ore. Research into the properties are ongoing, but the resulting metal is a type of iron that displays the quality of being transparent when smelted.

* Orihalicon is an alchemical mixture of Gold, Mercury, and blood from a Goregon. It’s appearance is a bright yellow color, and items made from it have the quality of being incredibly lighter than any other metal, yet it retains its hardness and durability.

I know of nobody that knows how to create this forgotten metal, but it is very interesting that it ended up in the hands of Halflings. It has been said many times: “If you need something that doesn’t exists, ask a Halfling, they probably have more than one.”

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
I’m off to find a Halfling, I need a Whisky.

Adventuring Band Update: Scar Two

The members of Scar Two will be mounting an expedition into Willowisp Deeping, Equis 3 of this year.

Dehgovarth Skrawn is leading this expedition on behalf of Nicolo Blackcherry to find a rare plant needed to cure several ailments common to hippogriffs.

Those interested in procuring herbs of the kind found in the Deeping need to contact the Adventurers Guild to make arrangements with Dehgovarth.

Current herbs being sought for:

• Kelventari - Beltane

• White Bryony - Beltane

• Saffron - Beltane

• Hawkweed - Beltane

• All-Heale - Beltane

• Hart’s Tongue – Samhuinn

• Spanish Nut – Samhuinn

• Bastit – Samhuinn

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe, Arrangement Made Here
Adventurers Guild, Midway
I wonder if Deeping Weed still grows there?

The “Levihicle”

Cantios 6th, 13036

The Levihicle is complete. Paintings of it will be available soon. If you wish to receive a copy of these paintings, contact me here at the Adventurers Guild, Midway.

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
It’s official, Levi has snapped.

Cantios 7th, 13036

Marlee “Feathers Ruffled” Starsomethingorother has returned from the herb gathering expedition with Scar Two. It would seem that the trip went well for the group, but no Deepingweed…of course.

Scar Two will be wintering here in Midway for Samhuinn. We would like to extend the Adventurers Guild invitation for all past due balances owed the Guild be paid promptly. Once all balances are paid, the Guild would like to extend its hospitality to Scar Two.

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
We know who NOT to ask for herbs, now don’t we?

Cantios 9th

The Motteley Crew set out on a trek north early this freezing morning. When asked why they were starting an expedition several weeks before winter, they are reported to have said “We don’t really know, but that weird guy from EmpTree’Vive insists on leaving.”

A report came in late this evening that the Crew helped repel an attack on the three-point east of Monte around noon. The Royal Monte Non-Mounted Road Guard appreciates their valiant effort.

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
“Woo Hoo! Let us leave on a long journey into the ice and snow. It’ll be a hoot!”

Samonios 1st

I would like to extend a “happy thought” to all of our registered guild members. Non-guild members are not entitled to happy thoughts, but ARE entitled to think ABOUT happy thoughts, as per the Adventurers Guild-Adventurers Contract, page 45, subsection II, paragraph Q.

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
I don’t make the rules; I just translate them to lay terms.

Samonios 5th

A messenger from Fort Southpass arrived today.

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway

Want to know what the message is? Send three Silver Crowns to:
Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway

Samonios 6th


It seems that many of the populace cannot grasp what a Joke is, so here is the message:

The Motteley Crew arrived on the 4th. Their arrival was advantageous due to the recent occurrences of horses and livestock disappearing. It seems that a Bulette had recently moved into the area. Drewfujis spotted some of the tunnels of the creature when he was investigating a very large, very deep, gouge in the ground. It is so nice that our “benefactor” chooses to not mind his own business. The Adventurers Guild, and Monte I’m sure, thanks the Crew.

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
Crew this, Crew that. No one ever thanks the Chief Scribe. Thanks may be sent to the Chief Scribe in the form of Silver or Gold.

Samonios 9th

The Crew reports that during the trek through the Sand Barrier Pass, they encountered three rare creatures that inhabit the area. Upon first entering the pass, Marlee “Saysshedoesn’tsmelllikeawetdog” Catflinger spotted a large lizard relaxing on a rocky outcropping. Marlee’s life was almost cut short when she realized that the lizard was a Basilisk. Moments after she spotted it, another beast made its presence known. The large black scaled bull shattered the jutting rock outcrop, and with a loud bellow, gave chase after the Basilisk. By description, this bull would most likely be a Goregon.

Later that same day, Marlee reported that several Harpies attacked them. Their safety was assured due to the Levihicle and Penelope’s dirty limericks (…something about a man from Vro Nuffut…).

As you all are aware, the upcoming Festival of Nightmares (Grawdyng’s Gaze) will be held on the 20th of Samonios. The Midway Guard have asked me to alert all of the adventurers in Midway to be observant to some of the going’s-on during the festival. Hopefully we will be fortunate enough to escape a recurrence of last year’s horrible accident.

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
The thought of last year still chills me to the bone.

Samonios 14th

The Crew has entered the Sand Sea. Several hours after they began their trek through the shifting sands, they encountered a smaller of the area’s inhabitants, a Mottled Sand Worm. As the spells were being prepared for the inevitable battle for survival, Marlee “Holdon-ithinkitjustwantstobefriends” Followergatherer managed to talk the beast into submission. With the charm that only a wild, unkempt child of the twig in her mangy hair can, she convinced the creature that the experience of carrying a Levihicle to the Oasis of Hamana would bring great honor among his kind. Sounds like Marlee can B.S. a Mottled Sand Worm!

Once the group reached the area of the Humana’s Pool, Levi spotted Grel tracks in some areas of the hard packed ground around the water’s edge. Being from this region, Levi’s curiosity about the fate of Sahib’s Fountain urged him to transpose himself there to investigate.

I will let you know more when Levi gets back from his little vacation at the other end of the desert.

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
If I took offense at every swaggering adventurer’s sour comment, I would be so busy teaching him or her manners that I wouldn’t have time to do my regular jobs.

Samonios 25th

Levi’s Crew enters “Arnuya’s Legacy”, an ancient Grevan burial crypt for Honored Grel Warriors. It is one of the few places rumored to exist where Grel Elves maintain a permanent location of any type.

I really hope that Levi doesn’t do anything “Grevan” while he is in there…

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe
Adventurer’s Guild, Midway
Well, now I know that the Grevan peoples believe in hallowed places. There may still be hope for them yet…

Dumannios 1st

Levi emerges from his ancient family burial site and returns to Midway via a teleportation magicks; 2 stone golem horses, the Levihicle, and Crew in tow, for the Grongerfest (The Cleansing). This holiday is the Day of Atonement for all living beings. It is a day of fasting and self-beratement that usually ends in weeping drunkenness.

Shortly after the day ended, Levi teleported the above mentioned items away with him, returning to his current (probably questionable) missions somewhere near the Trans-plate Obelisk in the western area of the Sea of Sands.

Melancholy Jack
Most Humble Chief Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
I feel so free of the suffering in my life, for a couple of days at least.

Dumannios 16th

Marlee Trackspotter located some curious deer prints in the soft earth near a small stream on their journey. Upon closer examination of the tracks and 10 minutes of thought, she announced that the tracks were made by a sylvan creature; probably some type of Unicorn.

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
Levi sees invisible giant geese. Marlee believes in tiny unicorns. Drewfujis believes he comes from another plane and is a “daisy”. Than Khosis believes… (we don’t know yet).
Despite their personality and mental quirks, their gold is always good.

Dumannios 18th

Marlee still maintains that the creatures are real, and attempting to direct the party out of the forest. She found the outer husk from a shedding unicorn horn laying in their route.

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe, Friend of all fantastic creatures like Licorns and such
Adventurers Guild, Midway (where there are no Unicorns)
I do believe in fairies, I do, I do

Dumannios 19th

Penelope Squidtamer has composed a new song about one of the heroic memories of Leviathan Elderdisrepector. After some exhaustive research into the history of this ditty, it seems that Levi earned the enmity of an orphan’s pet goose. The orphan, as it turned out, befriended this goose and somehow managed to enlarge the goose to almost 6 ft tall, so that it might better defend itself from Levi.

“Rub My Heiney With My Goose-Bite Salve”

Several interested parties have put in their request for a live performance by Miss Squidtamer.

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe, Music Enthusiast
Adventurers Guild, Midway
I hope she is allowed to play at the L.U. I love seeing her wrestle that squid under her arm.

Dumannios 34th

The Motteley Crew has arrived in Teuser, Thardesia, on DeeYah’Leav.

The kingdom of Thardesia is a Matriarchal Magocracy. The women rule everything, and it is outlawed for men to wield magic.

Drewfujis Drew didn’t find this out until it was too late. He appeared in town with the use of druidical magic (which is not outlawed), but was accused of magic handling. Fortunately, Marlee Plant-transplanter was able to convince the authorities that his abilities were not mage-related.

Marlee was able to help several of the inhabitants of Teuser with crops and animal illnesses. One of these townsfolk, Ole’ Man Wilson gave to her a two-headed, two-legged goat. The poor creature didn’t stand a chance at life. I’m sure Marlee will be able to give the creature a fighting chance at normality. Normality, and The Motteley Crew. (There is a contradictory term.)

Once the Crew retrieved Drewfujis, they headed south to Inzil. Marlee wanted to gather some history on the late Lady Victoria Vanderpool.

A dragon attacked the town of Teuser shortly after the Crew arrived in Inzil. There has been no report as to the current status of Teuser.

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
Thardesian women are beautiful, once you get past the fangs, voice, and demeanor, but I wouldn’t want to meet one in a dark alley.

News from Teuser

Reports have come through from the Adventurers Guild in Strick Froemen. The town of Teuser is no more. A dragon attacked the town a week ago in the dark of night. Whilst the town was completely destroyed, one individual made it out alive. Ole' Man Wilson was down in his basement when the attack came, and managed to escape with few injuries. His account of the attack states that he experienced a "loss of strength and energy" as a dark cloud descended around the town.

Ole' Man Wilson was saved from starvation by caravan guards as they entered the town for a scheduled stop. They found him wandering through the remains of shriveled bodies and decaying wooden timbers.

Guild records denote Mr. Wilson as a former Ranger from DeeYah'Leav.

A Guild collection will be taken to help Ole' Man Wilson get back on his feet. If you wish to donate to the cause, contact me at my office in Midway.

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
All registered Guild members will have the collection added to their monthly dues.

Riuros 21st

The Crew Report

Word has reached my ears that Penelope Squid squeezer and Barry Black performed together last evening in the town of Inzil, Thardesia, DeeYah’Leav. Whilst Penelope was overjoyed at having the chance to perform with a legendary singer like Barry Black, he was happy to get the chance to play a duet together with her.

Drewfujis Drew has commissioned a tapestry made. The depiction of an almost forgotten place, Cliffguard Henge, will be the central focus of this hand-woven tapestry.

Leviathan Hoochwhipped has announced his pending marriage to Lady Gwynne Whisperdark. The date has been set for Riuros 34th, on DeeT’Wolve, in Midway.

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
Play that funky music, white boy.

Riuros 33rd

The Adventurers Guild wishes to extend their heartfelt best wishes to Leviathan Darkenfell and Lady Gwynne Whisperdark as they celebrate their wedded bliss(ter).

Sevris has authorized me to waive Levi's guild dues for the month of Riuros.

Penelope Squidtamer reports that she was able to perform with “The Brother's Parson Project” one evening at local tavern in Strick Froemen, in Thardesia. I wonder if they would consider performing here at the L.U.?

Maybe they would be willing to perform for WBRD Musical Message Broadcast. (I believe that this is very similar to your earth "radio".)

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
I love the Brother's Parson Project!

Anagantios 15th

Word has come to me that the Motteley Crew has run into some difficulty as of late.

Levi’s quest to find the three parts of the Nuclear Winter Fireball spell led him to a distant church in Fin Margun, Thardesia, where rumors placed the third part of the spell on the back of a sacred holy text. Investigation of that holy text revealed, instead, an image of a skull-shaped edifice in the mountains, near Refardun Pass.

Upon reaching this location on Anagantios 9th, our intrepid adventurers managed to gain entrance into the edifice.

It was reported that the Crew ran into one of the inhabitants of the Tomb. An individual by the name of Max Von Drydow tricked them into using a portal to access a different portion of the Tomb. This portal robbed them of all of the items they were carrying.

After exploring the inside of the structure, Penelope accidentally triggered a couple of traps, which left her trapped behind a solid wall of stone and without eyeballs. Levi retrieved her from this trap and, after returning to Midway via magicks, managed to restore her oculars.

The Crew left a few hours ago, for more punishment at the hands of a vastly superior intellect.

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
Portals are NOT toys!

Anagantios 33rd

Gloom, Despair, and Agony

Levi’s group has been returning to town every few days. A string of mishaps have befallen our favorite mishaps.

Penelope has been turned to stone, and cloned by Max Von Drydow.

Buddy (the group’s locksmith) and Drewfujis Drew fell into an argument, which led to their falling into a pit.

Marlee seems to be having mental issues about the Tomb.

Than Khosis decided that he needed to be arriving at Krel’s Crèche before spring, and has left the group.

Levi seems a little perturbed at the recent turn of events.

There is also a strange little creature that has decided to follow these stalwart adventurers: Ajos The Humaneater.

We’re not really sure WHAT it is. Let me describe it.

• Lower left leg of the giant frog variety.

• Lower right leg of the Halfling variety.

• Lower right torso of the orc variety.

• Upper left torso of the female human variety.

• Neck and head of the lobster variety.

• Lower jawbone of the human male variety.

• Right limb of the monkey variety.

• Left limb of the crab variety.

It seems capable of speaking the following words:

• Peepul

• Ow

• Pood

• Pinger

• Tee

• Eebul

• Semuanya

Until we hear more…

Melancholy Jack
Chief De-Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
I’ll bet that it’s not housebroke though

The Motteley Crew lives!

With a little Krevish persuasion, Levi finally managed to release some of the knowledge of the Tomb of Ace Raker.

He related how two Lich Battle Mages were working for COSM in an effort to keep the Tomb of Ace Raker from leaving his final(?) resting place. Although several of the Crew suffered mishaps from the many traps. that the creature laced his tomb with, strangely(?), everyone made it out alive. Under close scrutiny and divinations, Levi’s story was verified to be true and correct, to the best of his knowledge.

Now the good part.

After proper applications of elevated doses of Krevish Truth Serum, Levi divulged that there exist several more portals in the tomb that divested him, and his group, of all of their belongings. (We all are aware that Levi likes to keep 20, or 50, spells readied at any given time, as buildings in, and around, Midway can attest).


The Crew fought their way all the way to the Tomb of Ace Raker simply to retrieve their belongings. Through many traps, magics, and creatures, the Crew traveled nekkid, to the Demi-Lich’s final crypt. Upon opening the door, they grabbed their belonging under the cover of a mental shield brought into effect by Levi… When the shield dissipated, the Demi-Lich had apparently already gotten bored and returned to whatever plane of existence it came back from. (for those interested in why, please see the entry under Demi-Lich in the Hacklopedia of Beasts.)

The Crew wisely chose to beat a hasty retreat back to civilization.

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
They never actually fought Ace Raker

Ogronios 17th, 13037

Crooked George opens for Penelope “What the hell?” Squidtorturer…

Me and the Missus went to the Crooked George performance last evening. The entertainment was breathtaking…

Until the backup singers arrived; Penelope, and 5 pixie fairies.. At first George was a little set back at the sight of a halfling playing along, but he took it in stride…

…until the song ended. At this point Penelope broke into one of her own compositions written for, and dedicated to, Levi. The song entitled “Rip Out The Wings of a Pixie Fairy” brought shocked gasps from most of the crowd, but the best was still yet to come.

Upon hearing this Grevan inspired song, Levi lept to the table that he and Gwynne were watching the performance from, and went berserk, dashing up onto the stage, chasing the pixie fairies through the curtain.

Crooked George almost died of fright at the sight of an enraged Grel charging him.

After the mayhem died down, Penelope could be heard explaining that she only wanted George’s autograph…

Crooked George is now retired, and recovering nicely. His response to the Halfling:

• Here’s my autograph…

• I’ll never come to this crazy city again.

• When I leave town, DO NOT FOLLOW ME!

• I Quit!

The Adventurers Guild apologizes to all of the citizens that witnessed the gruesomeness that was last evening.

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe, Professional Witness
Adventurers Guild, Midway
Do you know that awkward silence that occurs right after something shocking happens?…

Ogronios 21st, 13037

The Adventurers Guilds of Monte, Midway, Northreach, Southpointe, and Ardcrest do hereby order all adventurers to report, immediately, to their respective Guilds, by order of His Majesty Fernando Cuastiglio Monte, of the Free City of Monte.

This means all of you freelancers are being pressed into service to the Kingdom of Monte. Don’t ask me for any information about why, I am only the Chief Scribe. Please note that this also applies to the various Guilds’ employees.

His Majesty Fernando Cuastiglio Monte
Free City of Monte, Kingdom of Monte

c/o Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
This is unusual…

Elembious 10th, 13037

The Adventurers Guild would like to congratulate Leviathan Darkenfell and Lady Gwynne Whisperdark on the birth of their son, Zaphodil Whisperdarkenfell.

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe
Godfather in Waiting
Adventurers Guild, Midway
Only 18 more years until the new batch of adventurers begin paying Guild Dues!

Ruiros 1st, 13038

Tomorrow is Guild Day. The day when all of the Guilds’ Employees get the day off for appreciation of all of the effort and work that makes the city run.

Wow, we get a day off…

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
Make NO attempt to contact the Chief Scribe tomorrow.

Elembious 5th, 13038

Call to war!

All Adventurers Guild members are required to report to the Guild headquarters for briefing.

Ephemus Krel's forces are amassing near the western obelisk.

The Free City of Monte will be victorious! Long live King Fernando Cuastiglio Monte!

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
Push em back, Push em back, way back!

Elembious 25th, 13038

Krel’s forces engaged in Sand Barrier Pass.

The bulk of Krels forces are concentrated near Fort Southpass, southeast of Sand Barrier Pass. Monte’s armies are prepared to repel this attack while members of the Motteley Crew are sent southwest to the ruins of Culverhaven to investigate reports of a smaller force advancing toward Monte.

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
I personally have been order to investigate reports of missing Krevish Whisky from the Guild Cellars.

Elembious 26th, 13038

Monte Victorious!

The combined forces of Monte, along with elves from Willowisp Deeping, Grevan forces from the Sea of Sands, and the previously unknown country of Mongrelmen called Mongrolia, repelled the bulk of Krel's armies.

The Motteley Crew saw a portion of the battle near the ruins Culverhaven, in the great Pine Forest.

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
The missing Krevish Whiskies were found to have fallen out of the bottom rack, and slipped down behind it.

Samonios 3rd, 13039

The Crew has left the kingdom.

After an almost two year hiatus at home, the Motteley Crew have left Crew Tower, headed east to the mountains. This excursion sees Levi staying at home, no doubt to play “daddy”, while the Crew picked up another, friendlier, individual by the name of Lulabelle. Lulu, as her friends call her, is a sweet grandmotherly gnomish traveler known about the kingdom as a shrewd business lady with a penchant for selling rarities, and packing an arsenal that would make most grandmas shudder. Lulu seems to have shops in several towns scattered all over Free Monte.

One of these shops deals in lingerie and S&M equipment.

I wonder if the Missus still likes pastel blue?…

She is reminiscent of your Doctor Ruth, on Earth.

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
I hope my letter to the Margrave reaches him. Maybe I’ll pop in and visit next week.

Samonios 30th, 13039

Through my numerous contacts, I have found out that the Crew is performing a mission for The March of Bissel. This small militaristic state has seen trouble from the syndicracy to the north, known as Fet.

I had a chance to visit the Margrave earlier this week, and was informed that the Crew has made contacts, aye friendships also, with the Grauwlyr gnome clan. Fortuitous it is that they have made contact with these reclusive gnomes. Perhaps they will be willing to trade, IF the Crew leaves well enough alone (wait, Levi is on vacation. Never mind.)

The Margrave informed me that there is a rich treasure cache somewhere in the mountains that Fet wishes to acquire for the purpose of invading the March of Bissel.* In sending the Crew, he wishes to avoid conflict by eliminating these potential weapons.

When I find out more from the plate’s most infamous adventuring company, I’ll be sure to heckle them.

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe, Ambassador of Foreign Affairs
Adventurers Guild, Midway
I will be inspecting the Margrave’s cellars on a routine tour to last four days.

Dumannios 8th, 13039

Exotic Animals of Midway

We have seen quite a few exotic animals(pets, mounts, etc.) in, and around, Midway. Some of the most exotic can be found stabled at Animals Exotica, run by Yancy Bluestuff.

Current registered exotic creatures of Midway:

• Two Displacer Beasts, owned by Marlee Treehugger of 4H Farm.

• Ajos, the Humaneater, owned by the Motteley Crew, of Crew Tower.

• A Greater Basilisk, owned by Nicolo Blackcherry, proprieter of Nicolo’s Warren Stable, of Midway.

• Twin Hippogriffs, owned by Stanley Greenrobin, proprieter of The Grey Morningstar Inn, of Midway.

• A Centisteed, owned by Della Reginhart, Paladin of Luvia The Blind.

For those of you whom can afford to stable and care for such creatures, don’t forget to keep your exotic creature’s registration up-to-date!

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe, Not looking closely at the Basilisk!
Adventurers Guild, Midway
We’re still not sure what the “Ajos” creature is…

Ruiros 13th, 13039

Not much today…

It is worth noting that trade has resumed from DeeT’herDeen. Cap’n Ahab stopped by today and related to me that the obelisk seemed inoperable for several years. No one seems to know what happened, but normal operation of the obelisk has resumed, and trade has been re-established with our eastern neighbors.

Marlee Livestockbroker reports that the March of Bissel has agreed to entertain the idea of trade between themselves and Monte. I’m sure you are all aware that Levi has taken a vacation from adventuring to get some research done, as well as being a more upright parental unit. He has thus appointed Marlee “Turner of Packed Soil” Hedgeclipper as interim Company Leader.

Penelope Octoflutist seems to be having some issues as of late. She was reported to have been a little lascivious in her use of a Wand of Fireballs when attacked by a Clay Golem. Several of the party was injured by said Fireball. Penelope was heard to say, “I’m not a mage, how would I know a Fireball would do that?” After the incident, Penelope would not contact the Adventurers Guild with any comments. Penelope, you have damaged Guild Property! Check your Guild Membership Agreement.

Lulabelle Godwin (the Grandmotherly portion of the Crew, and Levi’s REPLACEMENT) reports that a lone Gorgimera can be defeated by proper application of a Confusion spell, vast amounts of acid, and a vicious upward thrust from a Halfling wielding a very sharp dagger, positioned underneath of the beast. The experiment in disarming angry monsters was not wholly successful, as they have yet to figure out how to keep the thrusting Halfling from becoming lodged between the beast’s 4th and 5th rib.

Drewfujis Drew almost talked 4 Dao from beating him to pulp, but Penelope interjected with a little drum roll which destroyed a small portion of caverns that they are in. Penelope, again with damaging Guild Property…

Drewfujis Drew reports that Troglodytes are very susceptible to halitosis.

Yes, Umber Hulks make good armor.

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway (Where the laughter never stops)
Now let the Krevish Whisky Flow!

Ruiros 25th, 13039

To the members of the Motteley Crew, we’ll miss your exploits…

Our condolences go out to the Motteley Crew. The Crew was saved from destruction at the “hands” of a creature known as a Xeg-Yi, when Drewfujis sacrificed his life to save the group.

Drewfujis, we’ll miss you…

The rest of the Crew has returned to Midway after their trip to the March of Bissel.

• Levi has gone into semi-retirement while he researches magic in hopes of learning a spell.

• Marlee Hedgeclipper has settled down to run the 4H Farm & Slaughterhouse, outside of Midway.

• Thomas “Buddy” Tippertuppin stayed in the mountains to learn to work Adamantine with the Grauwlyr gnome clan, and to invent a way to keep food from spoiling during long travels. He calls it Tippertuppinware.

• Penelope Bard-Destroyer has settled down to create a new type of wineskin that sports several drinking spouts, but insists that it is a musical instrument.

• Lulabelle Godwin reports that she has found a recipe for the mythical, and elusive, Eggs Erroneous.

• Ajos the Humaneater was heard to say, “Peepel, peepel, Hoony-horn, peepel, pood Hoony-horn.”

• Kin S. Layer recently made an appearance, and a mess, when he was found stalking the group. His current whereabouts are unknown. If you see this individual, RUN AWAY!

We’ll miss the Crew’s mis-adventures…

Melancholy Jack
Chief Scribe
Adventurers Guild, Midway
We’ve come to the end of a Grate Era…